14: Searching
cuff_mark > it was a dumb impulse> I was feeling lonely and probably way too drunk
SelfBoundBB < omg thats so dangerous!
> believe me I know. I've got the scars to prove it :(
< yikes! u ok?
> yeah, nothing serious. but I won't be trying that again anytime soon
< dont let it put u off self bondage forever
< if u do it right its incredible
< but u gotta be safe & have backups
> my backup ended up being texting a neighbour I barely knew
> not my proudest moment
< lol I can give u some tips for next time
> thanks :)
> don't think I'll have the opportunity for a while tho
Mum & Dad
"I know I'm not supposed to say this but I was never a fan. I thought she was too bossy."
This was quite a revelation from mum. I should have told her it was temporary. At least, I hoped it was temporary. But after that confession, it felt too awkward. If dad had an opinion, he kept it to himself, "stay as long as you need, son."
The threesome had left a bad taste in my mouth. And as I was standing in the shower, washing the cum off my face, all I could think about was how far things had gone; how far I'd let them go. I didn't have to agree to any of it. I could have put a stop to it at any time. Why didn't I use the safe word?
I went back over our games, in my head. Did I really consent to being locked in a chastity cage that first week? Was I really okay with being walked naked into the garden, to urinate like an animal? Did I really consent to being handcuffed to a tree and abandoned, while dressed as a woman?
And was I really okay with watching the woman I loved having sex with another man?
"Oh. There's some boxes of DVDs on your bed. Just chuck them in your sister's room for now."
"Alright, dad."
I knew two things for certain. First, that I loved her; there was no doubt in my mind about that. And second, as long as I was with her, I would keep consenting to whatever crazy, mischievous whims she could dream up for me - no matter how cruel and sadistic it got.
And that terrified me.
"Your mum suggested getting an Indian takeaway for dinner, if you fancy it?"
She gave me the dog collar to take with me. It belonged to me, she said, even if I didn't come back. She didn't try to fight it. But the way she looked at me as we said goodbye… it almost made me stay.
> have you ever tried being a dom?
< does self bondage count? (:
> ha!
> I was just thinking, she wanted to be a Domme so I kinda ended up as a sub by default
< u wanna switch?
> she actually let me tie her up a couple of times
< wow
< my dom def wouldnt let me do that lol
> it was pretty great ngl
Chloe
"Ew, no! Creep."
> turns out when you ask someone you just met if you can tie them up
> they look at you like you're a serial killer :O
< hahaha
> tbf I don't think I would trust someone I just met either
< omg u dont want to know how i met my dom lol
< but i get it. it can take time to build that sort of trust
> I never was very patient ;)
Priya
"Yeah okay, we can try"
She had a way about her. It was nice. She was so sweet. She was the first woman to give me a second date. Then a third.
To her credit, she was open to trying bondage. I tied a silk scarf around her wrists, I was gentle; I didn't want to scare her. She didn't really get it. It didn't do anything for her. I asked if she wanted to tie me up instead, but she wasn't interested. BDSM isn't for everyone.
But we got on really well. And the sex was good, even without all that other stuff. And I thought, maybe this is enough. It'd been barely a year since I was first tied up; all that crazy, kinky, chaos was a barely blip in the arc of my life. I didn't need BDSM to have a good relationship.
This was nice.
> I didn't think I was into guys, but kissing him gave me some… complicated feelings
> in my pants ;)
< hahah
< i used to think i was straight before i met my dom
< im so not straight lol
> ha! I thought I might be bi
> but I tried looking at some gay porn and it didn't really do anything for me?
< maybe its not about the persons gender?
< like its the bdsm not the guy that got u excited
> I hadn't thought about that :O
> I was thinking of trying with a guy for real
> but its kinda scary having my first time with a complete stranger
< what about that guy u kissed?
Rob
"Nah, sorry mate. I mean a threesome's one thing, but - no offense - I'm just not into you like that."
If I'm being honest, I knew it was a longshot.
"But listen, you're a handsome lad. You give a decent blow job. Any guy'd be lucky to have you."
I actually found that weirdly encouraging.
"By the way, if you and Soph are on the outs, mind if I take a run at her?"
< if u wanna we could maybe hang out some time?
< i wont be offended if i dont give u complicated pants feelings lol
> interesting…
< just dont serial kill me haha
> no promises :p
> won't your dom mind?
< we're not exclusive
< he just got engaged :'(
Brett
"Welcome home, master."
You know that cliche about meeting someone from the internet, and it turns out they're a gross weirdo…
"Brett?"
The person standing in front of me was very much not that. He had shoulder-length, dark brown hair, and he was dressed in a pink maid's outfit, with white thigh-high stockings and white ankle boots. He was so… pretty.
"Sorry," he smiled sweetly, "I just always wanted to say that." I had to wonder if he was expecting me to be a gross weirdo as well. "Come in!"
"Funnily enough," I said, "my Domme once had me dress up as a french maid. I didn't look nearly as good as you, though."
He giggled. "Can I get you a drink?"
He bent at the waist to put the cup of tea down in front of me, letting me see under his skirt. I felt like a creep for looking, but had a suspicion that the move was on purpose - he wanted me to look. He wanted me to see the chastity cage peeking out of his crotchless panties.
"Are you keeping the, um…"
He smiled, "I don't have the key." The way he looked… he really did trust his Dom, keeping him trapped like that. It made me feel strangely nostalgic.
"How long have you been locked up?"
"Effectively… about a month."
"Jesus!" I almost did a spit-take. "The longest I wore one was five days, and it nearly drove me mad!"
"He did take it off a couple of weeks ago. I was tied to the bed, and he edged me for like an hour. Then he put the cage back on without letting me orgasm." He made a pouty face, "I REALLY wanna orgasm."
Fuck. What I went through seems almost quaint next to that.
"Oh. Speaking of keys," he said, "how are you with rope bondage?"
Erm…
Suffice to say, he had to give me a crash course in knots. Turns out it's a lot more nuanced (and a lot more fiddly) than reef knots.
"Oh my God, you're hopeless."
He had a lot of experience from tying himself up, but he wanted to try something he couldn't do on his own. We started with the easy part, frog-tying his legs. He got on his knees, and I looped rope around his thighs and ankles, cinching them in between.
Then the tricky part. He pressed his palms together behind his back, in a reverse prayer position. His fingers almost touched the back of his neck, and his chest was pushed forward. I tied and cinched his wrists, then looped rope around his elbows, pulling them as close together as they could go. Then, a rope from his wrist bindings, pulling up over his shoulders, and harnessed around his chest.
All of this took way too much time, and a lot of fumbling. But I couldn't help feeling proud at how it turned out.
"That's not too tight? Any trouble breathing? Any numbness?" I pinched his hand to check.
"Ow! No, it's good. It's REALLY good!" He tried to move about, twist, shuffle. "Man, I'm really immobilised." He was beaming.
"So, um… I'm not sure how to tell you this," I said. He started to look nervous. "The thing is… I actually am a serial killer after all."
He wasn't buying it, "oh no, please don't hurt me. I'll do anything!"
"Anything, huh?" I stroked his hair. "I guess we can figure something out." I'm still not sure if I'm actually bi. But in that moment, with Brett… Well, it wasn't something I was worrying about. "You have such a pretty mouth." He blushed. I unzipped my jeans.
He took me with a surprising enthusiasm; almost like I was doing him a favour by letting him suck my dick. Despite his restraints, he moved his head quite expertly. It was overwhelming. I definitely wasn't comparing him to anyone else, but if I were… No, stop it.
This fucking guy, though. He was going to finish me off, just like that. I pulled back, but his mouth followed me. He was… sucking harder, like he didn't want to let go of me.
"Hey," I said, "it's okay. I'm not trying to stop." He released me, with a gasp, and looked up with those big brown eyes, and such an adorably hopeful expression.
"Don't you want me to fuck you?" I said.
He nodded excitedly.
But first, I had to get him into a better position. Held tight by his bonds, it was like trying to move a statue. "Okay, I'm going to tip you onto your right side," I held him from behind to brace his weight, "ready?" Up close, he smelled of strawberries. I strained to tip him, and when he passed the apex he almost pulled me over with him.
On his side, I straightened out his hips, his boot dragging up his skirt. I rolled him onto his stomach. "You okay down there? Bet you can't move about much, huh?"
He made a show of struggling, shaking his shoulders, trying to raise his hip, wiggling his finger, "nuh-uh."
"Good." Now I just had to figure out how to get his panties off. "Do you mind if I--" Why was I asking? "Let's get these off you." I pulled hard, tearing his panties open. He gasped at the shock of it, then giggled in excitement.
I spread his legs, pulled apart his cheeks and… Oh. "Is that…" Butt plug?
"Heh, sorry, I totally forgot. Just pull it out."
I gingerly held the flared base peeking out of him. The residual lube made it slippery, hard to get a solid grip, and the thing just didn't want to come out. He let out a gasp with each tug of it.
"Hmm… maybe I should just lea--"
"No! It's almost there."
I lifted his hips, and held one hand against his butt for support, then gave the plug a slow, firm pull… He made the cutest little sigh when it finally popped free, his hips slumping back down to the ground.
"Okay, one sec." I ran to the bathroom, dropped the plug into the sink, rinsed my hands, then ran back to the bedroom. "Okay, condoms? Lube?"
"Bedside, bottom drawer."
"Thanks." Condom, lube… ooh, vibrator. Might be useful. I squeezed a generous amount of lube over him, over me. It was my first time doing anal, best to err on the side of caution, right? I laid down on top of him.
"Please," he whispered, "please put it inside me."
This fucking guy…
Maybe it was all the lube, or maybe the butt plug had loosened him up, but I slid into him with an unexpected ease. It was a strange sensation, familiar and unfamiliar. And pretty fucking nice.
Brett played his part well. The little gasps and moans. The way he tried to move his hips. The way he scrunched up his face, or let his tongue hang out ever so slightly as he panted with pleasure. He really was something else.
"Could you…"
"Huh?"
"Would you… talk dirty?" he said. "Maybe insult me a little?"
Erm… okay. "You little…" pick a word that isn't problematic, "… cross dresser. Slut!"
"Sissy," he whispered, "call me… a sissy."
"Yeah! You little sissy! In your… pretty pink dress." Fuck, I am so bad at dirty talk. "Do you like getting fucked in your… boy… pussy?" Ugh, nope.
He tried to hold back his laughter, "oh my God, stop. That was terrible!"
I mean, I wasn't going to argue. Anyway, I needed to change position, get a better angle on him.
"No… I'm sorry!" he said, as I pulled out of him. "Please don't stop."
"Heh. I like hearing you beg." I grabbed his hips, "don't worry," I yanked him up onto his knees, "I'm not done with you yet."
In this new position, his weight rested on his shoulders, his face pushed against the ground. With each thrust, his cheek rubbed against the carpet. "Are you okay? The carpet's not scratching your cheek too much?"
"Nuh-uh."
Even so. I reached down to the ropes harnessing his hands between his shoulders. With one hand gripping his hip, I pulled back on his ropes with the other, taking some of the weight, some of the pressure off his face. After all, it'd be such a shame to damage it. And the grip gave me extra leverage.
Then I remembered the vibrator. I let go of his hip and held the vibrator against his cage. I knew well enough that the thick plastic of the cage wouldn't allow him much pleasure, but maybe he'd still appreciate a little teasing. Or maybe he'd hate it, which was fine too.
"Oh God. Oh my God!" I had to admit, the guy was really good at squirming. "Can I… please can I…?"
I hadn't even told him to ask for permission. Not only was I bad at being a Dom, but he was showing me what a real sub looks like. But I couldn't worry about all that right now, because he wasn't the only one about to cum. I pulled back his harness and pushed myself deep into him. "Do it!"
I exploded inside of him.
"Uhn!" he let out a moan as his body contracted. Breathless, I released my grip on his ropes, almost collapsing on top of him. He slid off of me, and melted into the carpet. A steady trickle of cum pulsed out of his cage, into a growing puddle. His eyes were half open, in a daze, his face an expression of pure bliss.
"Th-thank you… Mark."
"Don't take this the wrong way… you're so not good at that."
We'd cleaned ourselves up, got some food. It was kind of strange seeing Brett as a man.
"Oh my God, sorry, I didn't mean… The sex was amazing!"
"Haha! All good."
"It's just, I like my Dom to be more, sort of, cruel (God I'm so messed up). You're just too… kind."
"No, I get it. My previous partner told me basically the same thing. I guess I just don't have the Dom gene in me."
"Heh. Well, I might be biased, but I think being a sub is the better role, anyway. It's way more fun!"
"Yeah. I… I think I was just scared of being submissive after what happened with… you know?"
"Tell me her name?" He gave me such a kind smile. "I don't think you've said it in all the time I've known you."
"It's…"
Why was it so hard?
"… S-Sophie."
Why were there suddenly tears in my eyes?
IF LOST RETURN TO…
Sophie
We were like strangers on a first date, sizing each other up, feeling each other out. The familiarity of home now felt uncanny. Had I really lived here? Was this really the woman I'd fallen in love with?
W A R Y (triple letter on W, 18 points)
But as the night drew on, we fell into familiar patterns - the way we sat, the way we looked at each other. We made dumb jokes, and told stories of our time in the desert. It felt natural. It felt right.
In bed, we laid apart - too soon for sex, too uncertain to even touch. Not wanting to over-step.
In the morning, I woke to find her head on my chest, her hand grasping. My own arms were wrapped tight around her. I kissed her head, and she nuzzled closer.
In our time apart, we'd found more about ourselves, but lost so much time with each other. And now that we were back together, we were going to hold on tight - even in our sleep - and never let each other go again.