A weekend away at a posh hotel. Kira and I had grown closer together over the last six months; we were almost a proper couple.
But I had never told her about my fondness for BDSM, so I felt it was time to be a little adventurous, as we climbed into our four poster bed, made from dark wood, heavily engraved.
I pulled out a book, “we’re going to do a pub quiz.”
“A what?” She was relaxed, ready for sleep, not a mental challenge. To her great surprise, I pulled out my leather straps and cuffs from my black bag.
“What the hell are those? What on earth are you doing?” She sounded concerned.
“Trust me, this’ll be fun,” she was reluctant to willingly extend her arms towards me and then her legs.
With her secured to each of the posts of the bed I took a vibrator from my bag. “What the hell's that?”
“It’s a vibrator. I’m sure you’ve seen one before,” I put it on the bed next to her.
“Oh sweet Jesus,” she replied, with an air of resignation.
“So, twenty questions in each quiz. Each wrong answer, or no answer, is thirty seconds on the vibrator. The questions will get more difficult. Any questions before we start?”
She rolled her eyes. “No.”
“First round. Question one, name the tallest building in the world.”
“Petronas Towers in Malaysia”
“Wrong. It’s the Burj Khalifa, Dubai. Question two. Which country has a maple leaf on it?”
“That was easy. Correct. Question three, in which year did Twitter start?”
“Wrong. 2006. Question four, name the longest river in the UK.”
“I think it’s the River Severn.”
“Correct. Question number five, in beer terms what does IPA stand for?”
“Independent Pale Ale.”
“So close, but wrong. It’s India Pale Ale. Question six, which fruit is used to make a Porn Star cocktail?
And so on, until question thirty.
“At the end of the first round, the contestant answered ten questions incorrectly and so has earned five minutes with the vibrator,” I announced to an imaginary audience.
“Oh god,” She exclaimed.
Without hesitation, I turned on the vibrator. Although she knew what to expect she gasped for air as it disappeared inside her. After the requisite period the timer on my phone signalled the end of her torment. She relaxed.
I started again, more confident this time.
“Second round. Question one.”
She didn’t do so well in this round. A total of twelve wrong answers, so six minutes of vibrating, much to her frustration.
“Seems your general knowledge isn’t that good.” In went the vibrator for the second time. This time, she was shaking as I removed it.
“How about a specialist subject of your choice? Music, geography, history or science?”
“How about music?” She asked.
“Okay, so the contestant has opted for music for the next round. Question one...”
Turns out, this was a very bad choice. Her knowledge of seventeenth Century classical chamber music was pretty dire to say the least. She got a poor score of only six correct answers, and fourteen wrong ones, making seven minutes earned.
She struggled pathetically as the vibrator entered her again.
“Stop, you can’t do this, it’s unfair,” she protested.
“Rules are rules,” I answered.
She lasted until the fifth minute, when her body tensed and she groaned for ten seconds. “Take it out, for god’s sake. Take it out!”
“The competitor has another two minutes to go.” I moved it around, pulled it out and then re-inserted it. The same thing happened again.
“A round of applause for our contestant if you would please! We look forward to another bedtime pub quiz next week, the same time!” I announced.
Enough was enough. I freed her from her bonds.
“I’ve never had a kinky boyfriend before,” she said, before she rolled over and went to sleep.
We must do that again, I thought.