One of the perennial bondage situations is where the Dastardly Villain ties the Beautiful Heroine to the railroad tracks. This is practically the definition of Damsel in Distress. The idea originated in 1867, in a play called “Under the Gaslight”—a man was rescued by the girl in this version, but the melodramatists of the late 19th Century soon got that straightened out.
In tying a lady to the tracks, the first thing you’ll need is a lady. How old she is and what she looks like is less important than finding one who is excited about the prospect of being tied up while lying on splintery ties, greasy rails and sharp rocks. At the least, she should be very fond of you.
Next, you’ll need railroad tracks. This is more complicated than it might seem. While North America and Britain still has many railroads, the spacing of the rails on regular track is about five feet. Most women are around five feet six inches tall. Obviously, one cannot tie someone across a track that who is not much taller than the distance between the rails. Therefore, you will have to either go to Colorado, where there are narrow-gauge railroads still in service, or find a tourist railroad nearby with a track gauge of three feet or so.
Once you have found a suitably gauged railroad, you need to find a good spot along it. The best place is right off the end of a station platform. This will be easy to get to, and there will be plenty of parking. Also, the timetable posted at the station will tell you when the trains are due. Be sure to call the office of the railroad and tell them what you are doing and where you are. They will make an extra effort to insure the schedule is adhered to.
ROPE: Make sure you have some. It would be a pity if you were going around asking strangers if they have any while your lady stands there, fuming because she isn’t affixed to the track. Get about 50 feet of medium-weight hemp or manila (synthetic stuff doesn’t match the era). Cut it into three six foot long pieces, one 15 foot and one 20 foot piece.
COSTUMES: Tying ladies to the tracks is a 19th Century activity, so era-appropriate costumes are essential. The girl should be innocent looking; I suggest a light-colored frilly blouse, long dark skirt, and high laced boots with high, thick heels that won’t sink into the dirt. Cameos and old-fashioned hairdo are de rigueur. Although villains are shown wearing top hats and capes, you can get away with a dark suit and a string tie.
DOING THE DIRTY DEED: Your lady friend should be costumed and ready when you pick her up. Produce a deed to the ranch and demand her signature. After she says “Never, you foul fiend!” you can tie her hands in front of her.
Drive over to the railroad station and walk her down to a spot a short distance off the end of the platform. Before she sits down onto the track, wrap a piece of rope around her upper body, above her breasts and under her arms three or four times and knot it in front. Putting down a piece of rug over the center of the track is a nice gesture. Have your lady lie down between the rails. She should have her head, neck and shoulders positioned comfortably against one rail and her knees over the other.
Lift the two free ends of the rope around her chest up over her shoulders, around the rails on either side of her neck, then up under her arms. Knot it again over her chest.
Next, tie her feet together, then tie her knees using a longish piece of rope. Wrap it around her legs two or three times, knot it, then pass the free ends under the rails and back up. Knot it again.
Your young lady is now prettily tied to the tracks. She should be squirming around a little bit, but still defiantly refusing to sign the deed. What happens now is a bit problematic. You could, of course, simply wait until a train comes, but that is liable to get you talked about. You could say you don’t want her dang ranch; nothing grows because there’s too much oil, and simply untie her. Or you could take off your suit coat, revealing a letter sweater from an Ivy League university underneath, leap to her side with a cry of “I’ll Save You!” and untie her. Then she gets to swoon, “My Hero,” all the people waiting for the train will applaud, and you can head back home for more interesting activities.
The End
You can also leave feedback & comments for this story on the Plaza Forum
17.07.13